This is a problem with all humans be they male of female, every one of us has a mode that will enable lies to form a self protection safety blanket of some sorts.



Sadly this is so true, it's socially wrong but true none the less.



Most likely he would have wanted to join in!

Thank you for your insightful reply.

I couldn't agree with you more!
Well stated from the perspective that most guys tend to overlook. Thank you for sharing.

I simply don't want to be surprised by it. If a partner of my mine wants to do some phone sex, or stuff on cam, all I ask is that they tell me (preferably before hand.

I can deal with all kinds of things, as long as they are honest.

Unfortunately the difficult thing is that it's such a simple answer - honesty and openness really are everything.

The even more difficult thing is to find a partner who you can be totally honest with and still continue to be who you are within the context of a loving and respectful relationship. Find that and you've got everything.

For me personally, I see it as just a sexual thing, and as long as it does not lead to a romantic thing. My husband used to watch the sexy, local news lady at night on TV, and masturbate. I never considered him cheating on me. But..... my husband ALWAYS took care of my needs!

My standard response to questions similar to this one is this:

If you're unwilling to tell your partner about having phone sex with somebody else, then it's cheating. Period.

Yes and no. Maybe. Not sure. There are some bodily functions we don't tell a spouse like "Did you know I just farted?"

Maybe she looks frowsy in the morning. We are not cheating if we avoid telling her this fact.

I wouldn't be happy but I don't think that it's "cheating"

Before I got married, most of my girlfriends before knew I loved porn and jacking off, but although I did have phone sex a few times with girls I was in a relationship with, I had never confessed to anyone that I was into calling phone sex lines for phone sex, which I had done while in relationships.
My ex-wife was the first girl I was ever comfortable enough to confess to that I loved phone sex and called sex lines and she was fine with it as long as money wasn't tight. I used to spend a lot of money on this and it was her idea that I talk to women I knew personally, her friends, my friends or whoeverand see if I could find any who were into it and I could have phone sex for free with them. I loved the idea, but I was thinking that as a guy, if I go talking to women about having phone sex with them, especially with me being married, that I was going to make them feel uncomfortable and they may avoid me or that it may even end the friendships. I first started just trying to find women through ads on 1-900 date lines and personals ads and I did find a couple of women there to have phone sex with, but not long after, I did have a couple of our friends appraoch me about having phone sex. I am not sure if my ex-wife had talkeed to them about it or what, but I told her about it and she seemed really happy about it and told me to have fun. There were times when I wouold be having phone sex with her best friend and she'd walk in and aask who I was talking to. She would tell me to say hello to them for her and depending on what she had going on, she may just go in the other room and leave me to it, stay and watch or lay with me and kiss on me while we were doing our thing.
She said she was fine with me doing about anything with other women as long as I was not actually physically having sex with them. She had even told me that I could do mutual masturbation with another woman in person as long as I didn't put my dick in them, but that is something I decided not to do. I have never cheated on anyone and I didn't want to put that much temptation in front of myself.
I have since been open up front with anyone I have dated since my divorce about phone sex and other things I like, not just the porn and masturbation, but phone sex, as well as sexting/cyber sex and webcamming which were not yet a thing back then.
I don't feel that phone sex, or webcamming is cheating if it is a paid service with someone you are never going to meet in person or be with physically, but I still think it is good to be open and honest up front about everything in a relationship. You will find more women willing to accept it and allow it if you are straight up about it, but if they catch you or find our some other way instead of from you, that always causes problems.
I have also talked to any new girlfriend that I get into a committed relationship with about phone sex, sexting or camming with women I know personally and ask if they would be comfortable with me continuing that, assuring them that there would never be a physical relationship with them, but to save money instead of paying phone sex operators and cam models.
I have had different reactions, but most have been fine with me having phone sex and/or webcamming. Some are only okay with it if it is with paid sex lines or cam sites. Others preferred I do it with women I know personally to save money and some have said they would actually feel more comfortable with me doing phone sex, camming or sexting with women I know personally because they somehow felt calling and paying sex lines or web cam sites was a little creepy.
While I do also enjoy mutual masturbation in person with female friends of mine when I am not in a relationship, that is one thing that does always stop once I am in a committed relationship.
Like I said, if you're calling paid phone sex lines or using cam sites and talking to women you will never meet in person, I personally do not consider that cheating, to me it's no different from looking at porn magazines or videos, just with some human interaction, but at the same time, I don't think you should hide it from your wife/girlfriend.
If you are having phone sex, camming, sexting with someone you know personally, that you see/spend time with in person or could meet with and there is any possibility at all that you could do anything sexually together in person (Even if you plan to never do that) then I would consider that as cheating unless your wife/girlfriend knows, is comfortable with it and approves.
And the other thing about not being up front about it is that if you get caught having phone sex with someone you know and you were not honest enough to tell them up front and ask how they feel about it, they are always going to wonder that if you were hiding phone sex, then maybe you are hiding much more. It will be hard for them to trust and believe that it is only phone sex.

Of course, everyone has their own views, but in my experience in many relationships, just be open and honest about it up front early on in the relationship. The sooner the better, although maybe not the first date. Give them time to get to know you first and when you think you and your partner are comfortable enough with each other to discuss such things, do it!
I had one girlfriend who hated that I masturbated at all and she hated that I liked porn mags and videos. She did not view it as cheating, but she just thought it was wrong, dirty and nasty. I sure didn't tell her about me having phone sex. lol
I had another girfriend who considered masturbation to be cheating. She said she does it, but not when in a relationship. I told her I do it in or out of relationships. She thought porn and phone sex were cheating too. hat if I was even thinking of another girl while jacking off that she considered that as having a relationship with that girl (even if the girl was unaware that I was jacking off to her) It didn't take very long befor I had that girl thinking way differently and she was masturbating with me, trying sex toys and no longer had a problem with me jacking off to porn or having phone sex.
Most other relationships, jacking to porn magazines and videos were never a problem and from my ex-wife on adding phone ssex, cyber sex, sexting and camming have never been a problem with my girlfriends.