Hey, I'm a college student and work near my college during the school year and than go back home during the summer. Now the school year is starting again and I'm going back to my school job. Back in May I ended up having sex with one of the guys i worked with. After doin it, I wasn sure I wanted to do it again. I consider myself straight, but now that I'm back up here part of me wants to fool around with the guy again and part of me doesn want to and I'm not sure what to do. Any advice???

UMD - it's the age old quandry! "I'm straight but I liked it..." For many men (myself included)the years around aged 20 were the most confusing in my life. Was I or was I not gay. Deep down, I knew. I'd known since I was 14 and by the time I had had my last girlfriend at 21 (non-sexual, both my g/fs had been platonic, so I guess that should have told me something)I knew what made my body respond!

Experimentation is part of life - some do it at your age, some do it in 20 or 30 years from now. It seems to me that in the 21st century, the next generation of humans do not have such an attachment to labels as my generation or the previous generation does. To me, I am proud to identify as a gay man and find it important to know with what "label" someone self-identifies. To anyone becoming sexually mature in this decade, that is the least of their concerns. Labels do not matter, what you do with someone does not intrinsically matter - only that you respect yourself and the other person or persons.

The generation before mine started the "If it feels good - do it" mantra. My advice to you is - listen to your feelings and act on instinct. Your inner being will guide you to what is best - and - if you end up somewhere you don't want to be, don't be afraid to acknowledge that and move on. Making "mistakes" (a word I hate to use because of its negative connotations) is part of learning and growing. No-one ever changed and grew without exploring the world around them.

Be brave! You will do well and be ok!

Cya
#:~)

If you were younger I would say you were sucumbing to peer presure and the "in" thing to do and be. But you are in college and 20 so you are at an age where being "in" shouldn't be a major concern to you. One of the things I like about the younger generations is that you can freely experiment with your sexuality and make an informed choice about what you truly feel.

My advice is to listen to Perkin-AUS. The worst thing you can do is to convince yourself you are "straight" when you aren't. When you do that you can end up wrecking many lives. I have seen too many marriages between "straight" people end up in divorce after 10 or more years because one partner has discovered they are "gay". In almost all of these cases there were children involved and they bore the brunt of their parents decision. Just as kids get teased if one parent leaves the other for someone of the opposite sex it can sometimes be worse if it is for someone of the same sex because young kids just don't have the capacity to understand the deep sexual issues involved.

So experiment now not later.

You are getting some darned good advice here. I agree with TL and Perkins. Much better to find out where you are on the sexuality scale the sooner the better.

Hello UMD. I have to agree with the others. My advice to you would be not to try and label yourself and therefore, feel conflicted with what you're feeling versus what you've labeled yourself (straight). Approach it the same you would with any other sexual relationship. Give it some thought before just jumping in since you do work with this person. I'm a 44 y/o father of 3 who became "officially" divorced last week after 22 years of marriage. I dealt with these same feelings when I was your age but I continued to try and live a "straight" life because that's what I felt I was supposed to do. I've always had a attraction to other men as long as I can remember but never felt comfortable enough to act upon it. I'm blessed with 3 wonderful kids but have to wonder how things would have been different if I hadn't gotten married. Just follow your heart and don't live your life for others. Good luck!

It's good to read some sound responses to this question. One thing that does trouble me a little is that some of the posters think that you should only experiement when you are young before it's too late.

I can't agree with that as there is no set "clock" that tells us when to be something and then when to be something else. I have spoken to countless men in their late 30s to early 50s who have begun to experience desires to be with other men sexually, yet never in their life before had they even had the remotest of feelings to experiment or even be curious.

I can actually say that has happened to me personally. Yes, I have posted before that I am 100% gay and have never had any form of sexual experience with a female. Yet last year (and early into this one) I began to think about sex with a female, however it was in a fairly controlled state and came with a number of conditions. I did find myself in the situation I had thought about (group sex, woman not unattractive who was very "masculine" in her sexual appetite) and right at the moment you would have expected me to "experiment", my inner self just said - "No, you don't have to do this. You don't NEED to do this to make up your mind." And I didn't.

So, for anyone following this thread who at whatever age or sexuality they are now is thinking and feeling different thoughts to where they were before - it's all good, it's all natural and you yourself will know. Shakespeare wrote it best, "To thine ownself be true." You will know and when you do, it is the most liberating experience you can have.

Cya
#:~)

Again...Perkin-AUS , gives sage advise. I would heed it.

I'll relate a story. We had a friend who was a medical doctor, a batchelor who all felt was certainly gay, although he gave no unmistakeable outward evidence of this. Surprisingly, one day he announced he was to be married. The lucky woman was a widow in her middle thirties with a child. They had four kids in the four years following their marriage. Something profound must have happened in this man's psychology.

As a "100% straight" guy, let me reaffirm what everyone else said. If the 2 of you want to fuck, fuck! Just go with the flow. Give no thought to heterosexuality vs homosexuality. I seriously doubt you will suffer any future ramifications, so live in the moment.

If you find yourself disgusted by your youthful homosexual encounters at a future date, I hear the Republican Party is always looking for good politicians. I even hear there's an opening in Idaho.

Seriously, though. Things are confusing because you're in the thick of the trees, but for those of us who have the aerial view of the forest, the luxury of being on the outside looking in, it doesn't really look like you should be worrying.

If you're gay, this is the best time to find out. If you're straight, extending this encounter past the point in which it is new, euphoric, and exciting is the best way to determine your true feelings about men. It's very difficult to choose options when they are mysterious and forbidden, as I assume sex with this man may feel like for you. The last thing a straight man wants is confusing fantasies about "forbidden fruit."

Homosexual vs Heterosexual, when describing a person, refers to your sexual orientation, not your sexual past. If you have a lengthy affair with this man in your 20s and then discover you're much more into women, you're no less heterosexual than those who never had sex with a man.

Thanks for all the great advice guys, really helped out...and anyone else checking this out, if you have any comments, feel free to post!!!

I think that the best advice you have gotten is from Hardwood69. I would say I agree with him-- do what feels good- and remember-- sexual encounters dont make you homosexual, sexual emotions make you homosexual. If you know that you are straight-- its jsut a way to get off- no worse than having sex with a woman when no woman is there (think men in the army who have gay sex because it is all thats available).
At any rate-- you seem to have enjoyed it- so do it again- just remember that HE May be emotionally involved in this-- and if you think it is ever moving past "just sex" with him- then you may need to stop doing it.

Don't worry about finding a box to fit in (a label for your orientation). You are in charge of yourself. Do what you want to but be safe and use protection

Labels are a waste of time.

You're right!!! I hate it when I go to the grocery store and there are these labels on the cans of food. Why can't I just choose from an aisle of several million label-less cans of assorted sizes and hope I get the chicken soup I was craving. Or when you go to the pharmacy and they put labels on the medication...I wanted some aspirin, but life would be more adventurous if I accidentally took some vivarin instead.

i think what you must remember is that sexuality is a gray issue. it's neither black nor white. there is a lot room for fluctuation. you don't have suscribe to any labels. you can simply be a sexual being. enjoy the human body, that's why we're here:to experience pleasure. have a great time, but remember to play safe(use a condom).