What are some things you do to turn each other on so you can jerk, frot, suck, etc? I'm not talking about showing porn or pics, just meeting to have a hot time together.

Not a very experienced man-handler here but I've had similar conversations a time or two. Just an idea or two:
You could work the conversation around to other sexual experiences you or he have had. From there to what or would like to do with him or with men in general. Don't rush it though.

Bring the wife/gf panties is a good starter

Everyone is different, but I like to talk about our masturbation habits, interesting sexual encounters, and what we have thought about trying with another guy. I'd suggest having phone sex first with a few guys to get comfortable with verbal turn ons.

As a coincidence, I just changed my sexual preference to "bi....limited".
I'm Happily married (mostly). I don't have a regular JO buddy and have limited M on M experience but I have discovered some time ago I like to jack off a nice cock and like mine to be jacked of.
No hugging, kissing and never tried frotting.
I've been sucked a few times and it was great. I've had a cock in my mouth once, just to see...didn't do anything for me.
To answer your question, each time for me was it just happened.
I have always been open about sexual preferences and in particular my love to masturbate. I don't "push" it but if it comes up, I'll talk about it openly.
I have a gay friend that is also open to discussion (he and I never did anything) but has introduced me a couple times.
One time, I did "advertise" on Craigslist (wife out of town, horney and drinking) and hooked up for a nice jerk off session.